Added: Ammie Becnel - Date: 12.02.2022 06:46 - Views: 44511 - Clicks: 9392
My how to please a submissive man over at Kink In Exilehas recently posted a fantastic list of 8 things dominant women want. I want to, but between having to deal with the stress of moving to New York City from Sydney in less than two weeks and, more recently, the stress of losing my relationship with Sara Eileenmost kinds of words seem beyond me right now. Naturally, reading over a list of the things dominant women want during this time triggers a certain amount of introspection.
Astute readers of both my post and hers will note how similar these two lists actually are in content if not in voice. That, of course, is no coincidence. Thank you all for your thoughts. Specific words, intonation, materials used in play e. While I am not alone in these particulars, there are others who respond in their own, unique ways.
When I play with a partner, a sense of depth and meaning is literally impossible to achieve if I have not first talked usually at some length about the details of my desires and fears, and asked questions of my partner to understand the details of theirs. I do not believe a meaningful relationship can be built without successfully interfacing over these details.
I see both dominance and submission as requiring equality first and power play second, and you should too. Moreover, you need to not only recognize but articulate the distinction in your actions when you demand something versus assertively request something of me. My submission is a vital facet of who I am, so you never act in ways that are disingenuous, exploitative, or demeaning of my submissive sexualitynor do you suggest that innate parts of who we are or the situations in which we exist such as orientation, race, spiritual beliefs, socioeconomic status, or other external influences in our lives make us unequal beings in any way.
You strive towards fairness in all your dealings and recognize that our different wants and needs means that the goal of such efforts is equivalency, not sameness. You understand how to live out a fantasy without living in a fantasy. You understand the difference between entitlement and advantage; you recognize the advantages you have that I may not sharebut do not feel as though you are somehow more deserving of them.
In reality, you do not consider how to please a submissive man entitled to my submission or acts thereof. In fantasy and play, however, you are not afraid of asserting such behavior. Part of that pursuit is making the effort to build a common understanding of things between us, and I need you to make an effort to refine this understanding with me over time. Doing so will make it possible to interact with me as a dominant partner, a top, and a friendall of which you need to be able to do. You are knowledgeable about yourself and communicate what you know openly, honestly, and freely.
You must have actively pursued explorations into your own desires, or are at least actively pursuing them with me; your sense of self must be strong enough to weather discoveries of new desires in yourself and in me over time. Being eager to often try new things in terms of play specifically and in general is also important because it tells me that you are interested in learning more about yourself, more about me, and more about how we work together in all of the ways that we do.
You enjoy challenging both my physical and mental endurance but are not out to inflate your ego by causing mine harm. You are an independent, whole person and you celebrate your dominance as a piece of that whole. You are not dependent on my submission to validate your dominance. You appreciate the support and encouragement I provide and are self-sufficient enough not to need it at all times, self-empowered enough not to want it at all times.
You do not need constant reassurance that basic aspects of our kinky sexuality are acceptable behaviors e. You must be comfortable discussing and acting upon your own sadism, desire to receive service, or other potentially socially unacceptable traits for us to have fulfilling interactions because I am similarly not always socially acceptable.
You reject the notion that my sexual submission negates the validity of my opinions and beliefs. You know that dominance does not equal superiority, and therefore you are willing and able to reexamine aspects of yourself. You solicit and incorporate input and feedback from me in doing this because you know that my perspective and experiences are valuable.
You know this and therefore make me the same kind of priority that I have made you. You make time to see me, play with me, and occasionally treat me to indulgences you know I like because you enjoy seeing me be happy. Being dominant does not mean you get to do what you want whenever you want. Being sexually submissive is just one facet of who I am. You recognize my strength and power as well as my vulnerability and are aroused by both aspects of who I am.
You do not treat me as a replaceable object out of a fantasy scenario or as though I am a dime-a-dozen, cookie-cutter submissive man. You should feel just as eager to dominate me whether or not you are dressed in fetish gear, wearing makeup, are at a club with an audience, or have a particular toy handy.
None of these things matter to me in terms of our connection during play because I desire you, not your image. This blog is my job. If it moves you, please help me keep doing this Work by sharing some of your foodshelteror money.
I suck at saying things that actually make people feel better in situations like this, but if you want to talk or need someone to listen, you know where to find me. Second, you say things that I never know how to put into words. Or the things that I do put into words, you say them with so much more clarity and meaning. Lots of people in bdsm would consider that heresy, but I agree wholeheartedly. Acting on the details struck me. I really liked your postMsSns.
Especially these bits:. I used to have a phone sex partner who had triggers woven by the use of certain words. Pleasing him really meant using these few trigger words as the fantasy was weaved. He told each woman he talked to all of these words and they quite promptly decided to not use them. His frustration was immense.
Why do people somehow believe that because I am submissive the things that I tell you I want are the things you should not do with me? It just seems totally nuts to me, and the fact that as roo-roo sayspointing this out is tantamount to heresy in the BDSM world is even more nuts.
Thank you for expressing yourself so well. BRAVO to your list! Thank you even more for saying them publicly in the comments, right here! So again, thanks for your comments. What a great list — this one as well as the one Kink in Exile wrote. I plan on saving them to use for reference with any future relationships. Great blog, you have a new fan! I desire you. That is both very true, and the sentiment very appreciated. So, whoever you are, thank you for the smile. For my part, I find the more real part of Femdom alluring.
I enjoy your many websites and comments, though. Is it so much to ask that I be given the same opportunity? Living out a fantasy without living in a fantasy- very well written and a good point. You do have a way with words! It is really a pleasure to read your posts. Thank you for this blog. He gives me indications that I build on and I discovered how much I liked the role he gave me and how intuitive I am. I think many men who are submissively inclined how to please a submissive man unaware of what that means.
They might think it is bad or wrong, but these are not truths, these are just judgments. As they should be everywhere else. However, I do care how other people act in the world and if they act from a place of fantasy instead of from a place of reality, I think they are doing themselves and the rest of the world a grave disservice.
And yes, I agree that its a disservice to everyone. And mine is: if you want a make an omlette, you gotta break a couple eggs. I am truly and thoroughly impressed. This is one of the very few insightful and meaningful articles I have read on the subject of male submission.
Being a submissive man myself, I wanted to rise up and applaud this post. Really, really great piece of writing on the subject. Thanks, Ritwik. As usual, thanks even more for adding your voice to the crowd. We need more such voices. People who want the same things every other lover on the planet wants—love and respect. Straddling often feels very isolating.
I know what you mean, Ophelia. I think many people have this tendency to believe that the two are somehow intrinsically different, and that the expressions of dominance and submission are inherently gendered in some way. I think such dichotomizing gendered statements are full of shit.
Thank you. I appreciate the well-wishes, though. Thanks for writing this.How to please a submissive man
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